The Biopic of My Life Will Only Have the Budget For A Zoom Out

Two weeks of love-making

Yesterday I re-watched this movie Submarine (2010). I wrote on my diary after the first time I watched this. It says about Oliver Tate (the main character, a Welsh schoolboy) if I could bring him out of the screen and high five. Some of what Oliver says in the movie, it's like, oh, that's so me, really me. I like the way he goes on with himself, you know, like um... his moment of solitude near the beach which makes him more individual, his curiousity, insecurity, quirkiness. Probably that's the male version of me. He's different from the average teenager that likely spend their time hang out with friends, may be I was different and I am too. About the bullying to. I may not really experience the bullying of such things in the movie. But, I know how it feels when people talk behind you and indirectly mocking in front of you, with different choice of words-form. Sometimes there is one moment in my life that I would not come back even just in a dream, high school. I found out that university is more human, for me. Why do I take such a long examples about the bullying. Well, apparently I like everything in the movie, the soundtrack (of course, it's Alex Turner), the camera movement, the setting in 80s, the amateur camera or home making video that record the Two Weeks of Love-making. Those industrial place that Oliver chooses for them, he says it's not romantic. For me that's awesome. I like the way they move on from chapter to chapter like the theme song of serial killer or horror movie. That makes me laugh, though. Some of what he thinks about himself is also happening to me, like wondering how is it like imagine people's response when I suddenly die tomorrow, about the film crew that following me wherever I go. Let's see some quotes that I love from Oliver Tate.

* * *

I find that the only way to get through life is to picture myself in an entirely disconnected reality. I often imagine how people would react to my death.

* * *

In many ways, I prefer my own company. It gives me time to think. I suppose it's a bit of an affectation.

* * *

I wish life could be more like America soap operas. Then, whenever things got dramatic, you could just fade the picture down and pick things up again later.

* * *

Sometimes I wish there is a film crew following my every move, I imagine the camera craning up as I walk away. But, unless things improve, the biopic of my life will only have the budget for a zoom out.

* * *

(A letter to Jordana)

You're the only person I would allow to be shrunk in microscopic size, and swim inside me in a tiny submersible machine... You're too good for me, you're too good for anyone else.

* * *

Tonight, I stumbled across an encyclopedia entry on ultrasound. Ultrasound is a sound vibration to high frequency to be audible. It was first developed to locate submerged objects, submarines, depth charges, atlantis, and such some animals like bats, dolphins, and dogs can hear within the ultrasonic frequency. But no human can. No one can truly know what anyone thinks or feels. What's inside mum? What's inside dad? What's Inside Jordana?

We're all travelling under the radar, undetected and no-one can do anything about it.

* * * 

(to his mum)

Who could you save first in a fire given the hypothetical situation that dad and I were equally hard to save?

* * *

Every night I come to the same place and wait till the sky catches up with my mood. The pattern is set. 

* * *