The Biopic of My Life Will Only Have the Budget For A Zoom Out

Two weeks of love-making

Yesterday I re-watched this movie Submarine (2010). I wrote on my diary after the first time I watched this. It says about Oliver Tate (the main character, a Welsh schoolboy) if I could bring him out of the screen and high five. Some of what Oliver says in the movie, it's like, oh, that's so me, really me. I like the way he goes on with himself, you know, like um... his moment of solitude near the beach which makes him more individual, his curiousity, insecurity, quirkiness. Probably that's the male version of me. He's different from the average teenager that likely spend their time hang out with friends, may be I was different and I am too. About the bullying to. I may not really experience the bullying of such things in the movie. But, I know how it feels when people talk behind you and indirectly mocking in front of you, with different choice of words-form. Sometimes there is one moment in my life that I would not come back even just in a dream, high school. I found out that university is more human, for me. Why do I take such a long examples about the bullying. Well, apparently I like everything in the movie, the soundtrack (of course, it's Alex Turner), the camera movement, the setting in 80s, the amateur camera or home making video that record the Two Weeks of Love-making. Those industrial place that Oliver chooses for them, he says it's not romantic. For me that's awesome. I like the way they move on from chapter to chapter like the theme song of serial killer or horror movie. That makes me laugh, though. Some of what he thinks about himself is also happening to me, like wondering how is it like imagine people's response when I suddenly die tomorrow, about the film crew that following me wherever I go. Let's see some quotes that I love from Oliver Tate.

* * *

I find that the only way to get through life is to picture myself in an entirely disconnected reality. I often imagine how people would react to my death.

* * *

In many ways, I prefer my own company. It gives me time to think. I suppose it's a bit of an affectation.

* * *

I wish life could be more like America soap operas. Then, whenever things got dramatic, you could just fade the picture down and pick things up again later.

* * *

Sometimes I wish there is a film crew following my every move, I imagine the camera craning up as I walk away. But, unless things improve, the biopic of my life will only have the budget for a zoom out.

* * *

(A letter to Jordana)

You're the only person I would allow to be shrunk in microscopic size, and swim inside me in a tiny submersible machine... You're too good for me, you're too good for anyone else.

* * *

Tonight, I stumbled across an encyclopedia entry on ultrasound. Ultrasound is a sound vibration to high frequency to be audible. It was first developed to locate submerged objects, submarines, depth charges, atlantis, and such some animals like bats, dolphins, and dogs can hear within the ultrasonic frequency. But no human can. No one can truly know what anyone thinks or feels. What's inside mum? What's inside dad? What's Inside Jordana?

We're all travelling under the radar, undetected and no-one can do anything about it.

* * * 

(to his mum)

Who could you save first in a fire given the hypothetical situation that dad and I were equally hard to save?

* * *

Every night I come to the same place and wait till the sky catches up with my mood. The pattern is set. 

* * *

What Frank Says

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These are some quotes by Frank Murdoch, the main character of God Bless America. A black comedy movie that exposed about popular culture in America.  The TV and society show shallow mind and idiocy according to Frank and Roxy. Both of them turn their adventure into killing spree. They kill annoying and stupid people they meet. If this movie has the Indonesian version, it would be in three hours duration and it's gonna be super massive! Imagine how lame and stupid our televisions are. So, here we go, Frank, you may speak now!

[On the air] My name is Frank. That’s not important. The important question is: who are you? America has become a cruel and vicious place. We reward the shallowest, the dumbest, the meanest and the loudest. We no longer have any common sense of decency. No sense of shame. There is no right and wrong. The worst qualities in people are looked up to and celebrated. Lying and spreading fear is fine as long as you make money doing it. We’ve become a nation of slogan-saying, bile-spewing hatemongers. We’ve lost our kindness. We’ve lost our soul. What have we become? We take the weakest in our society, we hold them up to be ridiculed, laughed at for our sport and entertainment. Laughed at to the point, where they would literally rather kill themselves than live with us anymore

* * *

It's not nice to laugh at someone who's not all there. It's the same type of freak-show distraction that comes along every time a mighty empire starts collapsing. "American Superstarz" is the new colosseum and I won't participate in watching a show where the weak are torn apart every week for our entertainment. I'm done, really, everything is so "cool" now. I just want it all to stop. I mean, nobody talks about anything anymore. They just regurgitate everything they see on TV, or hear on the radio or watch on the web. When was the last time you had a real conversation with someone without somebody texting or looking at a screen or a monitor over your head? You know, a conversation about something that wasn't celebrities, gossip, sports, or pop politics. You know, something important, something personal

* * *

I mean, why have a civilization anymore if we no longer are interested in being civilized?

* * *

That's one of the problems of your generation. You can't enjoy anything unless it was recorded. You were there. You lived it. Isn't that enough of an experience? I mean, next time you want to remember something, instead of taking out your cell phone, why don't you take a picture of it with your brain camera? I mean, when I was your age, nobody tweeted, yet we managed to have experiences. You know, a phone was attached to a wall back at the house. It didn't have a camera

* * *

For A Fraction of A Fraction of A Second

“Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make; you can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for twenty years. And you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is: it’s what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons, you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain, wasting years, for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes or it seems to but it doesn’t really. And so you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected, something to make you feel whole, something to make you feel loved. And the truth is I feel so angry, and the truth is I feel so fucking sad, and the truth is I’ve felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long and for just as long I’ve been pretending I’m OK, just to get along, just for, I don’t know why, maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery, because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.” 

— Priest, Synecdoche, New York (2008)