Lately, I feel so empty. No dream. Hazy.
I found myself lying down a prairie. Runaway from a tiring daily routine. Waking up on 5 a clock and I remind the sun that the morning comes early for me as usual. Ah, I'm just smashed down by boring days and realities. That's all. I'm young but there are many things that I have to know earlier than anyone in my age, take a good care of everything in my family. This is how it feels to be a backbone. I've tried it all when I was in college. Now I'm facing the real one.
My father's condition is quite unwell lately, but thank god his new doctor reduce the dosage of his medicine and he's recovering now. The previous doctor gave excessive medication. When you have very (literally) old parents, you've got to be ready that they will leave you step by step. They won't speak clearly again, they are addicted to doctor's prescriptions (they're all expensive, pfftt..), they move very slowly, they won't remember where the last time they put their glasses, their hands are shaking when hungry, memory loss, etc. All I heard in my young years are old people dying in doctor's waiting room because they told me stories about aging associated diseases such diabetes, cardiovascular disease, hypertension...That's never been easy to me, people you love the most are fighting against disease and still.. financial problem.
Recently I met new wonderful people from my new office. They told me stories about how they fought from the dark for the sake of "Hold on, we won't be starve to death tomorrow". They told me that young years are meant to be a battlefield to be what we want. Some of them told me to enjoy my youth, or it'll pass quickly as a snap. My biggest fear is getting old to soon. Weird. Since everyone's heading to the time where the sky will be no longer blue and clear.
The responsibilities changed my point of view about life and the future. It's greater than before, but I know, I just want to be a good kid to my parents. They sacrifice everything for me, and I have to do the same. What am I without them. Every day on our way to work, My superior and I, we often laugh in the car about how hard life is. That's just our way to express funny and stupid things behind the sadness. Because one day, we still laugh it off, the struggle we won't forget. All we need is patience. But I know one thing, God is always kind and generous to us. Then, how long can we run? Because we've got to run. I'm 22 and I don't want to waste my young years.
Meanwhile, I have something for you. Yes, my kind of special 'you' out there, tell me that we're running horizontally right now, to find each other. This is my favorite song for you:
